It’s pretty reasonable to assume that one’s partner has, at the very least, had a crush on someone else in the past. However, learning that they still might harbor feelings for someone else is a whole different can of worms.
A woman shared a lengthy story of how she slowly started to realize that something was up when her husband invited a female friend to their wedding, only to begin acting weird. We reached out to the woman who shared the story via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
RELATED:Everyone’s partner has probably had some sort of feelings in the past
So one woman was concerned when her husband started acting weird around a female wedding guest
Seeing someone else thrive can hurt the ego of immature people
Jealousy over an ex or a lost crush finding love again is an all too human emotion, but one that, if not tempered, can become something toxic, unfair, and poisonous when you are, ostensibly, in a relationship with someone else. For some, seeing someone they once had feelings for in a new, seemingly happy relationship triggers a pang of jealousy. It might stir up old memories, bottled-up emotions, or hurt pride. But to feel something doesn’t mean it’s permissible to act on it, or to indulge in bitterness that blames others for healing.
At its core is usually some sense of ownership that there shouldn’t be. Some individuals, even though they were never really in a relationship with the other person, feel that the very thought of them being with someone else is a betrayal. This is especially the case with crushes, where the relationship may have existed solely in someone’s mind. To be clear, even if there never was a crush, once you are in a relationship, “looking at your options” is still toxic behavior. Being jealous over someone that you never went out with, or someone you did not go out with in years, denies them the right to form a new relationship, grow, and be happy without you.
It also helps to know why the jealousy is there. In a lot of instances it is not about love, it’s about ego. Seeing an ex thrive without you is a blow to the ego, especially if you wished in secret that they would forever be pining for you. In other cases, people are jealous because they don’t like the idea of being replaced. That type of insecurity is reasonable, but it’s not right to attribute it to other people. This story is even worse, as this man didn’t even seem to like Misha in the past, although there is a reasonable chance he was just lying to his partner.
Ultimately, this is toxic no matter how you spin it
What is so destructive about this behavior is that it often leads people to do things in small, mean ways. They might gossip, try to sabotage the new relationship, or make a sudden “let’s just catch up” phone call, all in an effort to stir the pot. These actions carry a risk of causing emotional harm, not just to the ex or crush, but also to their present partner, someone who’s done nothing but fall in love with the same person that you had a crush on. And where there are kids involved, the jealousy can become self-sustaining, flowing into co-parenting relationships and making life harder for all concerned.
Worst of all, this is a jealousy of entitlement: the notion that your previous feelings give you a permanent stake in somebody else’s love life. They don’t. You can have your feelings where you want, but you don’t have the right to make somebody else uncomfortable, nervous, or miserable because you’re having a hard time controlling them. His behavior at the wedding was, to put it charitably, downright ugly and she was correct to notice that something was off.
The adult thing to do is sit with those feelings, find out where they’re coming from, and work them through, ideally without bringing anyone else into it. You can learn a great deal about yourself by asking: Am I missing them, or missing being wanted? Am I lonely, or genuinely heartbroken? What can I do to move on from it, not go back? Unfortunately, as some of the updates suggest, he was not being honest, throwing everything he said into question.
In the end, watching someone you loved, or thought you’d love, ruin the whole thing stings. But letting that sting fuel resentment just sabotages your own healing. The best course of action is to graciously let go. Wish them well (even in your head), mend your own heart, and make space for new relationships that are about now, and not spectators from the past. If you were curious how this story ends, the good news is that she shared two pretty big updates, so strap in.
People agreed that his behavior was unusual
Later, she shared an important update
Readers were shocked at what she found
Lastly, she shared a final update
People applauded her actions
