Many people have dreamed of being parents all their lives and want to have children as soon as they can. This dream can only come true if they have a partner who’s on the same page, but if not, it can all come crashing down.
This is what a stepmom experienced when she couldn’t get pregnant naturally and had to look at other options. Her husband, who had previously been on the same page, refused to go ahead with the procedure and tried to convince her that his two kids were enough to make her a mom. She found herself stuck.
More info: Reddit
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The poster mentioned that she had been up-front with her husband from the start that having a biological child was her dealbreaker, and he had agreed to it
Her husband was a widower with two children, and although she got along well with the kids, she always wanted to have her own, which is why they kept trying
The poster couldn’t get pregnant, so the doctor suggested artificial insemination, but her husband refused as he felt the money for it could be used for his kids
The poster wondered if she should leave the marriage since her husband was adamant against the procedure and constantly guilt-tripped her
The poster had accepted her husband’s children wholeheartedly and cared for them just like their mom would. She knew that it would never be possible to take their actual mother’s place, but she was content being their loving stepmom. That’s also why she wanted to have children of her own, because, as she stated, she wanted to be someone’s mom.
To understand more about the stepparent and stepchild relationship, We reached out to Alison O’Mahony, who started Be StepWise. It’s a platform that provides stepparents with resources to learn and support their families.
We asked her whether stepparents should be content with their partner’s children and never aspire to have biological kids. She explained that “there can be a great deal of confusion about this, as many people assume that looking after any children should be enough. The husband in this instance is likely to feel that as the mother is no longer around, the stepmother can bring them up almost as her own.”
“If the stepmother can’t have children of her own, is too elderly, for example, then the chance to bring someone else’s child up in a co-parenting setting has to be good enough. However, the author is correct; there is something very special about having your own child. Genetically, there is a connection with you and your child that you can see and sense, and this gives you huge enjoyment,” she added.
The man had initially agreed to have a biological kid with his wife, and he was also on board with artificial insemination if she couldn’t get pregnant naturally. It’s only later, when the cost of the procedure came up, that he balked and told his wife that she should just be content with parenting his children.
Rather than discussing the topic calmly with his wife, the man went on the offensive. He began guilt-tripping her about wanting to go ahead with the procedure, and he also told her that if she broke up the family, she would be a monster. The OP didn’t know what to do because she didn’t want to hurt the children, but also really wanted to have her own kid.
We asked Alison what a couple should do in a situation like this. She said that “IUI is a relatively mild, not very complicated or invasive treatment that just helps the female conceive if there are just very minor issues. The male has a role to play, but it does not need to involve him in medical appointments or the hospital. However, it does depend on the husband agreeing to it.”
“Perhaps he could be persuaded to agree to proceeding with just helping conception on its way with IUI. Further treatment, if needed, could be another matter. There is then the issue of the broken trust. The author thought she had an agreement before marriage on the need for fertility treatment if necessary. This is now a problem.”
“It has caused a serious breakdown in their relationship and trust of one another. However, if this is surmountable, and the husband agrees to IUI, then possibly this can be overlooked and is not an ongoing problem. But this is a potential issue that the author needs to reconcile. However, if the husband and author cannot agree. Then, leaving the marriage is an option,” she added.
It’s clear that the poster really cares for her stepkids and doesn’t want to hurt them, but this doesn’t mean that she has to put her dreams on hold for their sake. Her husband probably shouldn’t be putting that burden on her.
What do you think is the best course of action for the woman to take? Do share whatever thoughts you may have on this situation.
Most folks sided with the woman and felt that she should do what’s best for her, rather than falling for her husband’s manipulation
