Dating isn’t about finding the perfect person and creating the most magical life with them. It’s actually about two flawed people connecting with each other and growing together. If one partner wants the other person to change themselves, then the bond may ultimately fail.
This is what happened with a couple just six months into their relationship. The poster’s girlfriend suddenly expected him to revamp his fashion sense and become a manager at his workplace. He found it all too upsetting and wanted to end things.
More info: Reddit
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The poster shared that he had been with his girlfriend for six months and that their relationship got off to a nice start, but that recently she had become quite pushy
The woman expressed frustration with her boyfriend’s sense of style, saying that he needed to grow up; she also wanted him to become a manager at his workplace
The poster decided he wanted to break up with his girlfriend, especially after she called up his boss to ask him why her partner wasn’t a manager
The woman didn’t understand how much her pushiness was impacting her boyfriend, and she kept throwing a tantrum to get her way
In an update post, the man explained that he neither wanted to change his job nor his style because his job made him feel grounded, and his band t-shirts were great
Since he wanted to break up with his girlfriend, he changed the lock on his door first, and then, when they met up, he explained how much pressure she was putting on him
When the man told his girlfriend that he didn’t want to be with her, she was shocked and tried to reason with him for a bit, but then became nasty
The poster did clarify that he wants to work on himself, but he also wants to embrace the things that make him who he is
It seems like for the first few months of their relationship, the woman didn’t bring up any of the issues she had with her partner. It’s only when they had probably gotten comfortable with each other that she began to push him to change and become ‘better.’ She didn’t consider the fact that he didn’t want to change those parts of himself.
When a loved one expects you to stop doing certain things or change who you are, it might feel like you aren’t living up to their expectations. Everyone wants to meet their partner’s needs, but hearing such things can make people feel like they are failing to do so. Plus, it may also tap into long-term insecurities that a person has.
The OP also felt upset that his girlfriend was criticizing his sense of style and his job. He began to think of all the things that had changed since she came into his life. He realized that he had met his friends less and was not as happy anymore. So, he decided it would be best to end things with her.
Breakups aren’t easy because they bring up a lot of emotions, and the person initiating them is often afraid of hurting the other. When you begin feeling dissatisfied and want to end things, you owe it to the other person to share these feelings. Rather than blindsiding them, it’s better to get it all out in the open and figure things out together.
After a lot of thought, the man decided to go through with the breakup. He first changed his lock because he had given his girlfriend a key to his place. He then spoke to her about how he was feeling and shared that it felt like a lot of unfair pressure on him to change things that he liked about himself.
It isn’t right to base an entire relationship on a person’s potential. Hoping that they’ll change and adapt into the perfect person for you might only make you feel happy, but it might make them miserable. If a person feels unhappy or dissatisfied with their partner, they should either work on their feelings or end the relationship.
In this case, the woman was clearly not going to give up control. She had a vision of what she wanted him to be and wanted him to conform to that. Luckily, he was sure of himself and didn’t want to change, so he did the brave thing and broke up with her. He also explained why he was doing that and didn’t yield to her explanations.
Relationships are all about compromise, but that doesn’t mean people have to compromise on who they are. When couples grow together, it can be a magical experience, but nobody should be forced to change their identity for that to happen.
Have you ever been through something like this in a relationship? What did you do about it? We’d love to hear your story.
Folks took the poster’s side and couldn’t believe the audacity of his girlfriend
